Love is Weird
by Twilightstar7
Summary: Love is never normal, but with Alice and Randel...it's just plain weird. A crackfic written in collaboration with The Geeky Saxophonist!


**Hey Everybody! My friend, The Geeky Saxophonist, and I were feeling a bit silly so we wrote a crackfic for Pumpkin Scissors. Check out her version, if you haven't already, for a different twist at the end. I hope you enjoy! :)**

**Warning: Pure Crack**

**Disclaimer: Sadly, we do not own pumpkin scissors...**

~A Pumpkin Scissors Crackfic~

By TwilightStar7 & The Geeky Saxophonist

Alice was beginning to wonder about Randel. They had been dating for a few weeks now, but whenever they went out, his mind seemed to be elsewhere. She'd be talking to him, but his eyes would wander from hers, with a distant look in their gray depths. Randel was clearly thinking about someone besides her...

Who could it be? The only other female Randel interacted with was Stecchin and she was far too young for him. Was he gay? Was he thinking of a guy when he was with her? All of theses questions were driving her crazy, so she decided it was time to confront the corporal.

"Corporal Oland."

Randel looked surprised to be addressed in that manner-they'd been on a first name basis for a while.

"What is it, Lieutenant?" he replied, suddenly afraid to call her Alice when he saw the furious look on her face.

"I need you to tell me something." She demanded in a tone that told him that he best answer honestly.

"Anything, ma'am, anything at all." Randel swallowed, feeling nervous. It didn't help that he noticed Alice's hand drift towards her dagger.

"Are you..." She trailed off, suddenly looking uncertain, "Are you thinking of someone else when you're with me?"

Randel awkwardly glanced down at his hands as he fumbled for an answer. "Well... um... you see..."

Alice scowled. Her hand was nearly touching the dagger's hilt.

The corporal sighed heavily with the saddest look in his eyes. "Oh, I'm so sorry lieutenant but..." his voice dropped to a whisper, "there's someone else."

Alice sighed and much to Randel's relief, her hand dropped away from her dagger. "Could you at least tell me who it is?" She asked, causing Randel to look increasingly uncomfortable.

"Um...are you sure you want to know?" He asked her, clearly hoping the answer would be no.

"Honestly, Oland, I just want to know," She assured, "I don't care who it is...even if it is a man."

"Oh no, ma'm! I'm not gay," Randel backpedaled furiously, "It's...um...something different than that..."

"Then what is it?" Alice asked.

"It's... uh, she's a..." Randel blushed furiously and seemed to shrink. "...a..."

Alice leaned forward in anticipation. Who _was_ Randel's secret lover?  
"...cat."

"What?" Alice asked, her voice lower than a whisper.

"She's a cat ma'm...we're in love..." He answered and started to back away from the lieutenant. The look on her face was starting to scare him.

"A cat..." She whispered again, starting to appear slightly unhinged, "A cat. A cat! What do you mean you're leaving me for a cat!" Alice whipped her dagger from its holster and Randel began backing faster.

"Its nothing to do with you ma'm," Randel pleaded as Alice got within stabbing range, "It me! I don't know, she just so pretty and she uh gets me!"

"What is WRONG with you, corporal?" Alice bellowed, trembling with rage.

"You don't understand! There's no one else like Snowball..." A dreamy look suddenly spread across Randel's face. He sighed wistfully. "Oh, Snowball..."

Alice was about to give Randel the hardest slap ever known to mankind when suddenly she heard a tiny mew behind her.

"Snowball!" Randel yelped with glee, completely forgetting the enraged woman in front of him, "You came to surprise at work? You're so sweet!"

Alice was sure her jaw dropped to the floor when Randel pranced, yes pranced, around her and scooped up the fluffy, white cat. "So this is her." Alice commented dryly, starting to feel more tired than angry.

"Yes, Alice. Please understand...we're so happy together. I really hope that we can still be friends." "Why wouldn't we be friends," she question with a slightly hysterical endge to her voice, "It's perfectly normal for you to break up with me for a cat."

"Are you alright ma'am?"Randel asked, seeming genuinely concerned.

"Yes, perfectly fine," Alice replied, utterly exhausted. "I'm glad you found someone you can be happy with," she admitted.

"I'm glad you understand, ma'am," Randel replied. He only had eyes for Snowball now, and the fluffy white cat purred contentedly in his arms.

Alice sighed sadly and bid Randel and Snowball good night. She started walking home on a lonely forest trail, thinking sadly about the doomed relationship when suddenly...

"Alice!"

The lieutenant gasped in surprise. "Oh, Hunks! It's you!"

They ran to each other and embraced.

"It's okay Hunks, we don't have to meet in secret anymore..." Alice said.  
The end

**~Hope you all liked it! Please review and check THe Geeky Saxophonist's version!~**


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